1. Google launches Latitude: For a fee, Google provides an exciting software program for your cellphone that allows you to track your friends and enemies everywhere they go. Soon you can zero in on them in the street and they will be able to wave at you. Latitude is not for those who wish to remain anonymous.
2. MySpace has removed the webpages of 90, 000 convicted sex offenders. It’s pretty much a dead give-away when you’re over thirty and all your MySpace friends are under the age of fifteen.
3. President Obama set a $500,000 annual cap on salaries for top executives at companies that receive taxpayer funding. This has made most of the general populace quite happy. I, mean, come on, it’s like handing a begging street bum a dollar and then having him turn around and drive away in a brand new Mercedes.
4. Both aircraft engines for Flight 1549 had bird remains. Ta da! The pilot did an outstanding job of landing the plane in the Hudson River, the people were all saved and the birds that did it have been apprehended, sort of. All’s well that end’s well…
5. Michael Phelps, champion Olympic swimmer, may face criminal charges based on a photograph showing him doing a bong of marijuana. A South Carolina law enforcement official will charge Phelps if he can find evidence that the marijuana was smoked in his county. It appears that this law enforcement official is looking for his 15 minutes of fame. Sir, leave Phelps alone – he understands now that he lives in a fishbowl. And he didn’t smoke the marijuana in your county it was in another one, I think it was in North Carolina or Georgia.
6. Hacked electronic road signs worrying officials. The signs they are a changing and they have been changing in Texas, Indiana and Illinois… Electronic road signs have been broken into and messages warning people about raptors and zombies have replaced those about road hazards. Officials are not finding this amusing but the public is relieved that someone is finally acknowledging the strange beings and creatures that have been lurking in those areas. I think the officials need to lighten up and be happy that someone is looking out for everyone’s best interest. Hey, and watch out for zombies north of Richmond, VA on I-95..!
7. Times are tough when a front page news item in a major publication states that a company plans to hire 65 people. I hope they don’t get flooded with a billion applications especially since all you need is a HS diploma.
8. And people are scared of snakes now..! How about one that is 43 feet long, 3 feet wide, weighing about 2500 lbs. that munched crocodiles for snacks. The titanoboa lived about 60 million years and it crushed its prey like the boa constrictor of today. brrrr There isn’t anything funny I can say about this character.